Respon pelbagai guna

Salam & good day, L said.

Well, this is fun. Pernahkah anda berada dalam situasi yang memerlukan anda respon, tapi tiada jawapan yang tepat/patut yang boleh menjawab persoalan itu. Errrm, mcm ni....

Si isteri memakai pakaian baru dibelinya dan bertanya pada sang suami, "adakah saya nampak gemuk?"

Jawapan "Ya" sememangnya bermaksud untuk berperang. Manakala jawapan "Tak lah" boleh juga menyebabkan sang suami dikatakan tidak sensitif, tak peka, tak ikhlas dan sebagainya. Situasi anda, apa tindakan anda?

Boleh juga cuma menjawab dengan pilihan jawapan berikut, walaupon cukup bodoh, tapi ia...fun. hehehe. Jawablah "saya tak pandai cakap bahasa _______ (malay/english)", seperti berikut.

• Albanian: nuk e flas shqipen
• Arabic: Ana laa atakallam al arabiyah
• Afrikaans: Ek praat nie Afrikaans nie
• Armenian: Yes chem khosum Hayeren (I don't speak Armenian)
• Bengali: Aami Bangla boltey pari naa. ( আমি বাংলা বলতে পারি না )
• Bislama: Mi no harem save Bislama
• Bosnian: Ne govorim bosanski.
• Bulgarian: Ne govorya na bulgarski [ne go`vorja na `bul,garski]
• Catalan: No parlo català
• Czech: Nemluvím česky
• Chaldean: Lek mehhken Soureth
• Chinese (Cantonese): Ngo (a throaty sound) m sik gwongdong hua
• Chinese (Mandarin): Wo bu hui shuo zhongwen (我不講中文, Wo bu jiang zhongwen)
• Creole: Mi coze pas kreol
• Creole(haitian): Mwen pa pale Kreyòl
• Croatian: "Ne pričam hrvatski" or "Ne znam hrvatski"
• Danish: Jeg taler ikke dansk
• Dutch: Ik spreek geen Nederlands
• Egyptian, Ancient: "Na djedya kemet aramsya" OR "Na djedya aramna kemetyu" OR "Na djedya aram ni kemet"
• English: I do not/ don't speak English
• Esperanto: Mi ne parolas Esperanton.
• Estonian: Ma ei räägi eesti keelt.
• Farsi: Man Farsi Harf nemi-zanam-(من فارسی حرف نميزنم)
• Finnish: En puhu suomea
• French: Je ne parle pas français (juh nuh pahr'l pah frohn-say)
• Gaelic: Chan eil gàidhlig agam
• German: Ich spreche kein Deutsch or Ich kann kein Deutsch sprechen ( "eu" is pronounced "oi" ; "ei" is pronounced "ai" )
• Greek: den milao elinika (δεν μιλαω ελληνικα)
• Gujarati: Hoo Gujarati Nuthee Bolto (if you are a boy) or Hoo Gujarati nathee bolti (if you are a girl)or hume Gujaratii nathee bolta (if you are a group of 2 or more people)
• Hebrew: Ani lo medaber ivrit (male), Ani lo medaberet ivrit (for female) (אני לא מדבר/מדברת עברית)
• Hindi: Mein hindi nahee bolta (if you are a boy) or Mein hindi nahee bolti (if you are a girl)or Ham hindi nahee boltay (if you are a group of 2 or more people)
• Hungarian: Nem beszélek magyarul
• Indonesian: Saya tidak bisa berbahasa indonesia
• Ilocano: Haan ko ammo agsao ti Ilocano
• Irish: Níl aon gaeilge agam (neel aeyn gay'l-gah ag-um)
• Icelandic: Ég tala ekki íslensku. (yeh talakeh eeslenshkuh)
• Italian: Non parlo italiano
• Japanese: Watashi wa nihongo ga hanasemasen (私は日本語が話せません) (Wah-tah-shee wah nee-hohn-goh ga hah-nah-see-mah-sehn)
• Kannada: Nanage kannada mathadakke baralla (pronounced ba-ra-lla)
• Konkani: Makka konkani kalna
• Korean: Juh han-gook mal mot hae yo
• Kurdish: Mn Kurdi nazanem
• Krio: Ah no sabi dis language (pronounced sah-bee)
• Lithuanian: Aš nekalbu lietuviškai (pronounced ash neckalbu lietuvishkai)
• Malay: Saya tidak boleh cakap bahasa Melayu (pronounced "Sar-year Tee-duck Bow-Lay Char-cup Baha-Sir Mer-Lie-You" which means I cannot speak Malay).
• Marathi: I don't speak marathi - "Mee marathi bolat nahi"
• Malayalam: I don't speak malayalam - "Enniku malayalam samsarikan ariyilla"
• Nepali: Malai nepali bolna aundaina OR Ma nepali boldina OR Ma nepali bolna sakdina
• Norwegian: Jeg snakker ikke norsk
• Nunatsiavummiutut (Labrador Inuit): Inuttut paasinngilara
• Ojibwe (southwest): Gawiin indojibwemosiin
• Patwari: mein patwaari nahin boldi (girl) Mein Patwaari nahin bolda (boy)
• Papiamento: Ami no ta papia e idioma aki (pronounced: Ah-mee no tah pah-pee-yah eh ee-dee-o-mah ah-kee)
• Polish: Nie mówię po polsku
• Portuguese: Eu não falo português (eh-Oh NAH-oh FAH-lo porr-TUH-gays)
• Punjabi: Main punjabi nahii boldaa (if you are a boy) orMain punjabi nahhi boldii (if you are a girl)
• Romanian: Nu vorbesc romana.
• Russian: Ya ne govoryu po ruski (Я не говорю по-русски)
• Russian: Ya ne vladeyu ruskim (Я не владею русским - it means I don't speak Russian fluently).
• Sepedi: ke maswabi, nna bala English fela (formal sorry I only speak English. English may be replaced by your own language)
• Setswana: Ga ke itse go bua Setswana
• Serbian: Ne govorim srpski (I don't speak Serbian)
• Sinhalese: Mama me bhaashaawa katha karanne nea
• Slovak: Nehovorím po slovensky
• Spanish: No hablo español (Pronounce: no AH-blo es-pahn-YOLE)
• Swedish: Jag talar inte svenska ("Jag" is pronounced "yaw")
• Tagalog: Hindi ako marunong mag-Tagalog(I don't know how to speak Tagalog.)
• Tamil: Yenaku Tamil Pessa Theriyathu
• Telugu: Nenu Telugu Maatladalenu (Maat-la-da-lenu)(I cannot speak Telugu) or Nenu Telugu Maatladanu (Maat-la-da-nu)(I do not speak Telugu)
• Thai: Pom my poot pasa Thai Krap (Masc.). Chan my poot pasa Thai Ka (Fem.)you can also say "poot pasa thai mai dai ka (Female), poot pasa thai mai dai krap (Male)" - these are more common
• Turkish: Türkçe konuşamıyorum
• Ukrainian: Vybachte, ya ne govoryu ukrayinskoyu
• Urdu: مینے اردو نہں بلتہ/بلتیMein urdu nahin bolta/bolti. (Bolta is for male, bolti for female.) Pronunciation: meh urdu nahee bolta/bolti.
• Vietnamese: Toi khong noi tieng Viet (Tôi không nói tiếng Việt)
• Romanian: Nu vorbesc româna
• Welsh: Dydw i ddim yn siarad Cymraeg
• Latvian: Es nerunaju Latviski (S ne-ru-na-you Lat-vis-ki) - The S at the beginning is pronounced as the E and S of ESTIMATE. And it's not Lat-whiski, it's Lat-viski - no h, no w, a strong V
• Krio:- Ah no sabi dis language- (pronounced- ah-noh sah-bee diss lang-uw-aje)

(Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Say-%22I-Don't-Speak-This-Language%22)

Sebenarnya, situasi penulis sebentar tadi ialah,... Penulis hendak dipilih untuk team audit ke selatan Johor, lalu Tuan Manager bertanya samada Penulis berpengalaman dalam bahagian tertentu itu... cuba menafikan, Penulis mahu respon dengan "no hablo engles!" (i don't speak english).